For the Girl
by Captain Alfie
Summary: For the girl who was my first, last and only real friend - thank you. Severus writes a letter never to be sent.


_Something very different to what I usually write, but I think I like it (okay, I'm not sure if I like it, but you will be the judges of if it's likeable or not, really). You probably don't know, but I am not really a Snape fan, but I realised not too long ago that it's for a strange reason. I try not to think about him, becuase it makes me feel bad for liking James so much. I really feel sorry for Snape, but I do like James more whether I want to or not. So I decided to write some fanfic for Sev to see if it makes me feel less guilty xD_

_This is a letter-thing from Snape to Lily (yeah, dead Lily, but still...) written not too long before the battle of Hogwarts. I really, really want to know what you think of this, seeing as it's new characters and a new way of writing for me. Also please correct my grammar if you feel it needs correcting - there is a lot that I'm still not sure of. So reviiiieeeeew! Now. Okay, read it first, but still review. _

_I own nothing. At all. The penguins took it all and I'm not JKR._

**

* * *

FOR THE GIRL**

For the girl who was my first, last and only real friend - thank you. Thank you for all the times we spent together, especially at the start. You made me feel needed for the first time in my life when you realised you knew so little of the world. You needed me to explain things to you; to explain everything to you. You made me feel important and special. Back then I was a lot for you - friend, teacher, companion. You were so much more for me. You were my everything and you never knew it. Thank you for those times, I just wish it didn't have to change.

For the girl who always tried to stick up for me - I'm sorry. I am sorry that I could never tell you how grateful I was, that I could never repay you. I am sorry that all I did for you in return was to make mistakes. I am sorry that I did the unforgivable. You know I tried to apologise: I am sorry it was never enough. I am sorry that all the time you were there for me I did nothing for you. I am sorry that I felt I had done everything. I admit I felt a sense of power when we were children - you saw thing my way because you had no other way of seeing them. I thought I had done everything for you, but even everything wasn't enough. I'm sorry we could never feel the same way about each other, but you were always his.

For the girl who married the man I hate the most - you will always own my heart. I know now that you were never really mine. At the beginning I was the centre of your ten-year-old universe, but even then you belonged to yourself. Later you belonged to someone else. To him. He was the most arrogant and idiotic man I knew, but he loved you, and in the end you loved him back. I didn't want to believe you would choose him over me, but you never knew I was an option. Maybe I never was at all. In the end I had to believe it. In the end I had to trust him to look after you. You died.

For the most beautiful girl I ever knew - I tried my best. I wanted nothing more in the world for you to come back to me, but I did try. I tried to be happy in the knowledge that you were happy. I tried to look after you even though it was nothing to do with me any more. I tried to save you. I tried, and I failed. I tried to look after your son, to protect him for you. I tried to ignore the fact that he was so much like his father, because I saw you in him. It was hard, I missed you even though I lost you long before everyone else did, but I tried my best.

For the girl I will always love - have I said it all? Words previously unsaid or unwritten poured out of my heart for you: my flower, my love, my life, but you're not even mine. There is so much more I could say but there are no words to say it. This is my final goodbye, but also a greeting. I shall be joining you soon, I know it's coming - the last battle, the end. I hope to see your beautiful face in the near future, even though it will remind me of everything I ever wanted. Everything I could never have.

Yours now and forever, whether you want me or not,

Severus Snape


End file.
